phichit on ice
by Dynamite3539
Summary: Phichit finds his passion again after a hard couple of years (set in 2018)
1. Chapter 1

Phichit set down his phone with a sigh...

Three times he'd tried to draft out this tweet, but things were ticking over slowly up in the old head. This goddamn 140 character limit... How could he be expected to use any less than seven emojis in today's inspirational quote? Phichit was in agony trying to decide which ones to leave out.

The sunshine?

The skating boots? No...

The hotel room phone exploded into shrill ringing and Phichit's shoulders drooped, which made him feel even worse. Why couldn't he get out of this slump? This wasn't like him at all.

"Phichit!" his coach roared down the line. "Get your ass down to the rink right this minute, or did you forget all about practise? It's not like you're competing in the Olympics next week or anything like that."

Phichit's heart sank. How could he have forgotten about practise? This was shameful behaviour! He looked at himself in the mirror; he was a mess. Maybe it was jetlag, maybe it was disappointment...

That made no sense. Being a celebrated favourite in the literal Winter Olympics was a dream come true for Phichit. Disappointment was surely impossible by the laws of physics.

It must have been jetlag.

Phichit gathered his wits about him, deleted the sunshine emoji, posted the tweet (though he didn't feel very inspired right now, he couldn't let his fans down). He tried to ignore the gnawing feeling in his chest as he trudged to the elevator past groups of friends, couples, families, smiling and laughing.

He'd been in an intensive training program for months leading up to his Olympic debut. Every day, repeating the same exercises alone on the rink, watched only by his coach... He'd had very little time for a social life, though his twitter and Insta followings had ironically expanded.

"Phichit!" the fans screamed when he left the hotel. He couldn't help breaking out a big grin, though for once the smile didn't warm him up inside.

He signed two autographs before Coach started blowing up his phone so hard he was sure it would physically explode.

"Sorry guys," Phichit said apologetically. "I have to run."

"Bring us the gold! You can do it!" one girl shouted adoringly.

"You bet," Phichit said with a smile.

Was it bad that this was the most meaningful "real life" human interaction he'd had all week?

The blues set in again quickly as Phichit made his way down the crowded Pyeongchang city street. The others all feel the same, he told himself sternly. You're here to do a job – win gold for Thailand. And I know you can! But only because you've put in the work!

Phichit instinctively moved his feet in the starting pattern for his routine as he walked. Some women stared at him strangely. A bus rolled past but Phichit chose to walk.

After coach had finished beating his eardrums at the rink, Phichit ran through the routine in a truncated practise session. The moves came to him as easily as a reflex by now, and he found his mind wandering as he nailed one jump after another.

"Stop!" Coach thundered suddenly, startling him.

The music cut abruptly.

"The jumps were perfect!" Phichit exclaimed, surprised.

"I don't know what's wrong with you, but you'll be lucky to scrape up 200 with that lot," Coach snapped. "You look like a robot."

Phichit's shoulders slumped, and he angrily forced them back up. Coach was right. The passion wasn't there. This was a scary feeling. Skating had been the life blood in his veins ever since he could remember, and Phichit felt dreadful when he thought about what, if anything, would be left if he let that die.

But also, it didn't seem like something that could be forced, and the more Phichit tried to tell himself to fall back in love with the ice, the more frustrated he got.

What had happened? He'd been over the moon when his Olympic campaign began two years ago. When he'd found a new coach who could take him to that next level. His family had thrown him a huge party and it was the best night of his life; he'd felt like the world was all his! All of it! This was going to be his happy ever after!

It was meant to be his happy ever after...

A tear escaped from the corner of Phichit's eye and he hid it from the coach.

The older man sighed. "You know what?" he said, slowly letting out the breath he'd been holding. "Phichit... Go home. Take the afternoon off."

"Huh?" Phichit's head snapped up.

"I can't work with you like this. Go do something that will cheer you up. Go on."

Was that a smile on Coach's face?!

"Really?" Phichit said.

"Hurry up, before I change my mind," Coach snapped. "And if you have anything to drink I will kill you personally."

"Thanks Coach," Phichit said, his heart lifting ever so slightly. Maybe Coach cared a bit more than he let on.

The reason Phichit was excited now was because all his old friends – Yuuri, Viktor, even Christophe and Guang Hong – had also arrived in Pyeongchang that morning. He hadn't seen any of them since he started intensive training in his new city.

Suddenly, Phichit grabbed his phone from his pocket and his fingers began flying across the touch keyboard all of their own accord. Wow! He had so much to say all of a sudden! He hadn't realised how much he'd missed having friends around.

'Haiii!' he typed to Yuuri. 'How are you? How's Viktor? Let's hang out!'

The reply came almost immediately. 'You dipping on practise too?'

Phichit giggled. 'Can't concentrate when there's a new city to check out.'

He proceeded to round up a few more of the other skaters with his lightning-fast profile stalking, and less than half an hour later they were gathered at a bus stop in the city centre, chattering like excited tourists. They were just missing backpacks and cameras by this point, though Phichit was going like crazy with his phone.

A selfie with Guang Hong... a sneaky snap of Yuuri and Viktor cuddling.

"You're not posting that," Yuuri yelped, catching sight of Phichit's spying device. He hurriedly ran a hand through messy hair and hid the enormous bag of local pastries he'd bought to try.

"Okay, go again."

Yuuri and Viktor posed with heads together and Phichit was insanely happy to see this, even though the very sight of loving couples had attacked him like a knife just a few hours ago. He couldn't wipe the smile off his face.

"What happened to you anyway?" Guang-Hong asked quickly, keen to get all the goss. "You kinda just disappeared for a while."

Phichit grinned. The poor Chinese, blocked from twitter.

"I moved state. New coach and everything. Just lots of hard work I guess..." Phichit suddenly felt another pang when he mentioned skating, but he wouldn't let himself believe it was resentment. He quickly shook it off.

Guang Hong smiled wryly. "Same. You just have to remember why you're doing it."

Phichit nodded but couldn't think of anything to say.

The group of them enjoyed an awesome Korean dinner after shopping for a bit (the exchange rate was good here). It felt good to talk and laugh until their sides hurt. For a minute, Phichit felt like things might be okay again.


	2. Chapter 2 (one week later)

One week later...

Phichit's legs were twitching from the nerves. His first time at the Olympics! Round One. The beginning. He wasn't going to let it be the ending too.

Even though he tried to be tough with himself, he knew he hadn't been performing at his best. All week, Coach had done a lot more sighing than usual, which was saying something.

It was too late to change the routine, but Coach had been sorely tempted several times, just to snap Phichit out of the mental rut he seemed to have entered.

I'm going to be okay, Phichit told himself, shifting from one foot to another. This is going to be fun!

Why didn't he believe it?

The nerves were making him sick, and it wasn't just the pressure of the competition.

"Okay, your turn for warm-up," Coach said roughly, laying a hand firmly on Phichit's arm. "...You okay?" he added, catching sight of the jittering.

"I'm fine," Phichit replied with a brave smile.

Coach nodded. "Just remember why you're here. Don't lose sight of your goal."

Phichit's brave smile became a worried frown when he turned towards the ice. The old dream he'd had, he still felt a pang of nostalgia when his mind touched on it. Phichit's ice show in Thailand, showing his country how awesome and fun ice skating could be... It just seemed so far away. So unreal. Just a daydream. The colours in the scene were too bright for the world he lived in.

Everything was so different in the competitive scene. This couldn't be his inspiration.

Phichit got on the ice and began to push some of his nervous energy into a spin or a jump or two, but his heart wasn't in it. He looked over to the side of the rink a few times to see Coach's face drooping.

He couldn't keep going. He suddenly had to get out of there.

Phichit ran off the ice with a ferocity that startled his coach, and the sprinkling of audience members who had been paying him any attention. After taking off his skates, he ran straight out of the competitors' area and hid behind a vending machine, leaning against the wall and breathing heavily.

No! What was happening to him?!

"Phichit?" a child's voice said hesitantly, and Phichit hated that anyone had to see him like this.

"Mr. Chulanont, you're my hero," the voice said again. Phichit opened his eyes slowly. In front of him stood a little girl, maybe five years old, wearing a vibrant red and yellow dress.

Her mother smiled and gave her a gentle push. "Go on, then. Show it to him."

The little girl stepped forward shyly and handed Phichit a crayon drawing. It showed a stick figure skater with black hair and a beautiful bright costume. He was surrounded by other skaters, all wearing fun and creative outfits. Behind them the walls of their arena tapered up into a point, just like... Phichit struggled with the emotions that flooded him. This looked so much like his own dream, the one he had almost let go of. Phichit on Ice.

"What's your name?" he asked the girl, trying not to let his emotions show lest he should cry.

"Laya," the girl replied with a smile.

Phichit grabbed a pen from his pocket (he always kept one ready for autographs) and began writing at the side of the picture. 'Dear Laya. Thank you for being an amazing fan. You're so talented! Yours truly – Phichit Chulanont.'

"Thank you," the girl's mother said to him with a grateful smile while Laya hugged her drawing...

"Thank you," Phichit said very quietly as he watched them walk away.

He was wasting his warm-up time. He had a show to run here.

Hauling himself up, Phichit marched back into the competitors' area, pulled on his skates and launched himself onto the rink. Coach had disappeared. Probably looking for him.

I'm sorry Thailand, Phichit implored his country. I'm sorry I almost gave up on you. The regret and determination and the promise of a new beginning suddenly consumed him and he flew into a step routine fighting back tears. A circle here, a run here. Suddenly, something shifted inside Phichit's heart. He felt a jolt of electricity rush through his body as he next slammed his right foot down onto the ice.

Let yourself go... You can stand like a feather on the ice.

It was happening! He was connecting with the ice again!

The next practise jump went askew, but when Phichit looked to the side of the rink, there was Coach, and the tiredness in his eyes was gone. His eyes were wide open in shock.

Phichit pressed forward and let the old dream take over his whole mind. Beautiful, bright, Thailand, in love with the ice... Long cast aside, the bright colours in his imagined scene seemed to seep out from the confines of his thoughts, bringing new energy to his body and filling his heart with a fire he hadn't realised just how much he'd missed.

Oops. Screwed up the next jump as well. That was okay. Keep pressing forward.

Thailand, I don't want to bring you perfect moves. I want to bring you passion.

All your dreams can come true, if you just believe...

Phichit barely noticed the rest of his warm-up time fly by, and by the time Coach called him off, he was well and truly puffed. But he felt more alive than he had in a long time.

Guang Hong was coming on for warm-up now, and Phichit gave him a Really Big smile.

His friend smiled back. "I guess you figured it out then? Why you're here?"

"I did," Phichit replied.

Guang Hong slapped him companionably on the back. "Good going," he said with a big wink. "Then the silver medal can be yours!"


End file.
